Life

It has been at least a year since my last post, not because nothing has happened, but because I am lazy.  I moved from Alaska and finally settled elsewhere in the beautiful pacific northwest.  I never did find a full-time teaching position and ended up substitute teaching in two of the school districts in the area.  Dependent on the number of teachers needing subs, it ultimately ended up being a part-time job.  Enough to keep me busy, but not always quite enough to pay all the bills.  I had 2 long car drives in the past 3 days and so I've had a lot of time to think.  This is what I've come up with.

This is a strong statement, and I use it very deliberately: I hate substitute teaching with every fiber of my being.  It is unpredictable and stressful and filled with unknowns - all those things that I am horrible at handling.  God has stripped from my life everything that is stable and predictable.  I literally have nothing and no one left in my life.  I'm standing all alone.  But that is exactly where God has decided that I need to be.  That choice is not God's second choice or someplace that He stuck me because He couldn't make anything else work.  It is God's first choice for me and is borne out of His never-ending, unfailing love.  I don't like it.  I don't understand it.  But that's okay.  God never said I had to enjoy it.  He only calls me to obey.  So, as miserable and lonely as I am, that is what I'm going to do.  I'm going to obey.

And this is the truth that I am holding onto: The God I know is the master of bring good things out of miserable situations.  He *will* redeem this.  I don't know what He's going to do or how or when or how long it will take.  But the only thing I have left to hold onto is that He will.  And it will be good.