Alone Vs. Left Alone

I've recently been thinking about the distinction between being alone and being left alone.  They're two entirely different things, but they can accomplish the same end result.  I used to think that to recharge my "energy battery," I needed to be completely alone, but I don't think that's entirely true anymore.

There are times when I am done with people.  Too many people for too long.  In that case, just go away.  Solitude is needed.

However, sometimes I don't need or necessarily even want to be completely alone.  I just want to be left alone.  I acknowledge your presence, you acknowledge mine, and we both go about our business independently, even though we are occupying the same area.  I am aware that you are there, I am thankful that you are there, but I'm not necessarily going to further acknowledge or interact with you. 

I think an example is in order.  I am working this summer at the same summer camp that I have worked out in previous years.  At one point during program staff orientation, we were all up in the craft house.  I don't remember why we were all there, but we were and it turned into a game of "Help the Craft Director Make Sense of the Madness/Mess That Is Her Craft House," while also using some of her supplies for some purpose. (I don't exactly remember what.)  What I do know is that I ended up painting a sign for the Welcome Night Campfire.  I had someone else draw out the lettering, and then I staked out a corner and started painting it.  I was aware of the other staff members and their busy-ness, but they left me alone over in the corner with my painting job.  It allowed me to recharge for the afternoon while still being a part of the group. 

Reminiscing

As I was sitting on the deck eating my Subway sandwich this evening, I started thinking about my time in Alaska.  I think it started with thinking about my new job, and then devolved into a trip down memory lane.  It all centered around a single question: Why did I stay there so long?

It seems that there are two kinds of teachers in bush Alaska.  There are the "one-year wonders."  They stay for a year and do great, but can't leave fast enough at the end of it.  Then you have the "lifers."  These are the people who come to Alaska right out of college and retire/leave when they die.  I was neither. 

Confession: I didn't really have any friends in Alaska.  I had no support system in place.  Despite the fact that I lived and worked with the same people, I didn't really connect with them.  This made life very lonely.  Any rational person would have left after a year or two, yet I stayed six years.  Why? 

The people I worked with were very different from me.  Just about any time I spent with them was spent listening to their stories about sexual experiences/conquests, drinking, lamenting the fact that they couldn't legally drink in the village, which always led to reminiscing about things they did while drunk in Nome.  I'm not like that, nor do I wish to be.  It obviously wasn't about my co-workers, so again, why did I stay?

These are the reasons why:

• The kids were the cutest little Eskimos you ever did see.
• The community was wonderful.  I wasn't accepted right away (that took five years), but I was welcomed by everyone.
• It was Alaska.  The Norton Sound was (literally) my front yard.
• It was Alaska.  The land was beautiful.
• Snow.
• I could take my kids cross-country skiing instead of going to the gym and no one thought twice about it.
• Field trips were amazing.
• The Iditarod.  The learning implications of this event are almost endless.  We were limited in what we could do with first graders, but with an older grade, or even partnered with an older grade, there are so many learning entry points:
• Math - distance, speed, etc.
• Science - dog physiology, micro-evolution, why racing poodles maybe isn't the best idea
• Geography
• History - Joe Redington, Sr. and his crazy idea for a sled dog race
• Writing - the possibilities are endless
• I appreciated spring like never before.  When winter lasts until May, melting snow and the sound of running water in the morning never ceased to bring a smile to my face.
• We got creative to meet needs.  This is where my passion for small districts comes from.  I see now that we could have done so much more, but I never would have this perspective if not for that experience.

 No sane person would have stayed as long as I did with so many negatives.  It was my first job, however, so I didn't know how bad it actually was.  I'm so glad, though, that I finally came to my senses (mostly through interacting with others in my master's studies) and realized that teaching can be so much more than it was in our small corner of bush Alaska.  I am very much looking forward to working with a staff of people who like each other, who talk to each other, who work together to make instruction better for everyone, a place where I can actually belong.  I'm excited to see what teaching can really be like.

A New Job!

God is so faithful!  After 5 interviews and 4 rejections, I have been offered a full-time teaching position!  I will be moving again, this time from the big city to a small town.  I'm okay with that.  Knowing that there is full-time employment - a job that I have been praying for for 2 years - at the other end makes it worth the stress and cost of moving. 

However, it's certainly not what I envisioned.  I love that it's a small school in a small district.  After teaching in a small school in Alaska, I have a passion for finding creative ways to meet the challenges inherent to small schools and districts.  The first part that I didn't envision was the fact that the school is almost 90% Hispanic.  Lots and lots of little Spanish-speakers running around.  I speak exactly zero Spanish.  That could get interesting. 

The other interesting part is that I will be teaching fifth-grade.  I'm admittedly nervous about that part.  My only experience with fifth-grade is from substitute teaching and those weren't necessarily pleasant experiences.  When I was first offered the job, my initial mental reaction was, "Not a chance."  However, the principal then spent 20 minutes convincing me that fifth-grade wasn't bad and that I wouldn't have a problem.  She said that there is a strong fifth-grade teaching team, and that most of their behavior issues are in K-1, not in the older grades.  That's my biggest concern - behavior.  However, if I'm there from the beginning of the year and respect is set as a non-negotiable expectation, it'll be different from coming in as a substitute who has to prove herself every time she steps into a new classroom.  And it's not as though I'm locked in for the next 10 years.  If, after a year or two, I absolutely cannot stand another day in fifth-grade, there are options for moving down to other grades.

My thinking now is that this whole job search has been under so much prayer for so long, that if this is the call that came first, then obviously that's where God wants me next year.  We can talk about the grade level later.